Beyond “Boss Mom” – A Real Take on “Doing It All”
PUBLISHED ON MOMMY’S BLISSWe have been told forever…you can have it all and you can do it all! And maybe you’ve had moments when you could. This might not be that moment. Because you’ve done one monumental thing, and “all” the rest comes second right now. Babies and kids are a lot. Factor in a household to run, job, relationships and, um, you.
Spoiler alert…you might need to give up the myth and embrace the concept of help. Thank you, Mommy's Bliss 360 expert and Hiring Consultant/Career Coach, Ashley Mina, for adding some levity and reality around having and doing it all.
Debunking the
“you can have it all myth”
and finally asking,
“how can we help?”
Hey! You! Yes, ma’am - you. Can we just be real with each other for a minute?
I know you. You kick a** at your job; you’re even up for that promotion before you leave for maternity leave. The one who lays the kids clothes out the night before. The one who is so excited and thankful for their babies, but also has so many things they still want to do for themselves – travel, promotions, date night, self-care – you know “those” things.
I am you. I get you. I’ve been there. I am right here with you, sitting in the beautiful chaos that is toddlerhood. I’m right smack-dab in the middle of the living room, surrounded by the non-aesthetic toys I said we’d never have. Sitting on the carpet, stained with applesauce and crumbs- the same carpet we said the kids would never eat on.
You’ve probably heard it too: “your life doesn’t have to stop when you have kids.” “It’s just about balancing.”
Well, this “you can do it all”, “you can have it all,” “it’s all about balance” mindset and rhetoric, can be ...crippling.
Let’s chat about what we can do to manage (or survive) these tough seasons, and how, just maybe, we can get the (often very well-meaning) village of people around us to stop saying “you can have it all” and start saying “I know it’s hard. How can I help?”
Embracing Imperfection
Let's be honest, the notion of "having it all" is a fairy tale. It sets an unrealistic standard that can leave us feeling defeated when we inevitably fall short. Instead, as hard as it is, let’s welcome the mess or imperfection. The house may not be spotless, the toys may not be in “neutral” color tones, your to-do list may have unchecked boxes, and your presentation for work may not be as perfect as you want it to be. But none of that means you are failing, falling behind, or not good enough.
“Success, in the messy world of motherhood, lies in flexibility and adaptability.
Redefining “Self-Care”
Sure, you want to conquer the 9-5 world, be the best spouse, and maintain a thriving personal life with girl’s nights or spa days. But the truth is, you're human and there are seasons where leaving the house for a spa day or target run just doesn’t work.
Self-Care doesn’t have to be fancy. It can look like: locking yourself in your room or closet with a good book, a walk around the block, noise canceling headphones and a good nap.
Time to yourself is needed. So, take it! No need to overcomplicate it.
Letting Go of “Balance”
What works for one may not work for another. Instead of aiming for this elusive balance, I try to focus on harmony. Some days or moments will demand more of your attention, and other moments, family will take the spotlight and the dishes will have to wait until tomorrow morning. Letting go of things like pending house chores, or having to finish work after bedtime, is tiring and frustrating, of course.
However, I’ve found that those moments of being able to lean into the “ebb and flow”, especially on the hard days, brings more calmness and harmony.
Support & Honest Conversations
It's time to shift the narrative. Reach out to your partner, family, and friends, and let them know what you need. Instead of saying, "I got it," what if you practiced saying “yes” to help, or being honest about what you need: a venting sesh, a long shower, for your sister to pick up a pack of diapers while she is out grocery shopping. You'd be surprised how willing others are to lend a helping hand when they know it's genuinely needed.
And here’s the thing, once you start putting it out there, it paves the way for those honest conversations and encourages your village to start asking “how can I help.”
You’re a better Boss Mom than you think!
Motherhood rocks your world. It’s a beautiful, chaotic mess. You’re doing a lot more than you think, we’re just shifting what “having it all” really means.
It’s about having what matters most to you; And knowing that what matters can shift by the seasons, days, or moments.
Pre-kids, what mattered to me was career, title, time, money, all the things. Now? It’s the flexibility to be able to take them to and from appointments. It’s less about the title, and more about time and understanding to be able to go to their school performance, or mental health day. It’s less about the mess in the playroom, and more about being able to decompress and zone out after bedtime with a good show.
Remember, you’re doing a lot more than you think. You deserve to have support and time. And, even though it can be frustrating to have to put your own needs and goals on pause, you are doing the best you can, and you matter.
You, my friend, are a Boss mom.
